Posted on November 15, 2024 

Forgiving a Parent: A Journey Toward Healing and Restoration

Yesterday, I spoke about navigating tough or complicated relationships with a parent—a topic that resonates deeply with so many of us. Today, I want to take the conversation further and explore forgiveness: what it looks like in real time, especially when it involves forgiving a parent who has hurt us.

Forgiveness is not just a fleeting thought or a one-time decision—it’s an ongoing journey. It’s something we actively practice, rooted in the foundation scripture provides. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This verse highlights that forgiveness flows from a place of kindness, empathy, and love, mirroring the forgiveness Christ extended to us.

The Cultural Dilemma: Cutting Off vs. Restoring

In today’s society, we often hear messages encouraging us to cut off difficult people and focus solely on self-preservation. The advice to end challenging relationships might offer temporary relief, but it ultimately falls short of the healing and restoration God desires for us.

God is a God of restoration, not division. When we choose to lean into His principles, we create space for Him to bring healing in ways we might never expect. That said, it’s essential to acknowledge that there are circumstances where firm boundaries or even distance are necessary—especially in situations of harm or danger. But this shouldn’t be our automatic response, particularly when it comes to our parents.

Instead of giving up, we are called to approach these relationships with patience, grace, and compassion. These qualities are the building blocks of active forgiveness.

What Forgiveness Looks Like in Real Time

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or pretending everything is fine. It means making deliberate, daily choices to release hurt and let go of unmet expectations.

When it comes to forgiving a parent, it can feel particularly hard because of the depth of hurt involved. Parents are supposed to protect, nurture, and provide, so when those expectations aren’t met, the wounds can cut deeper. But holding onto that hurt doesn’t lead to healing—active forgiveness does.

Active forgiveness is about releasing bitterness and allowing God to work through us to bring restoration. It doesn’t guarantee a perfect outcome or even full reconciliation, but it does open the door for God’s peace and freedom to fill our hearts.

Walking the Forgiveness Journey

Here are a few steps to begin the process of forgiving a parent:

1. Acknowledge the Pain
   Don’t suppress or minimize the hurt. Instead, bring it to God in prayer, asking Him to help you process the emotions honestly and healthily.
2. Release Unrealistic Expectations
   Let go of the idea that your parent will perfectly meet your expectations. They are human and flawed, just like all of us.
3. Practice Daily Forgiveness
   Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. When memories of hurt resurface, choose to forgive again, echoing the prayer: “Lord, I choose to forgive. Help me to let go.”
4. Seek God’s Strength
   Allow God to fill you with His grace, patience, and compassion. Lean on Him in moments of frustration, trusting that He is with you every step of the way.
5. Be Open to Restoration
   Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship will return to what it once was, but it creates the possibility for restoration in God’s timing and way.

Moving Forward

Forgiveness is not an easy journey, but it’s one worth taking. As you walk this path, remember that you are not alone—God is with you, guiding and strengthening you every step of the way.

If this message encouraged you today, be the encouragement someone else might need. Share your story, offer support, and remind others of the power of forgiveness to heal and restore.

Let’s walk this journey together, trusting that God’s love will lead us to wholeness.